I'M A HARDCORE NERD AND I TELL IT LIKE IT IS
YOU'D BE WISE TO HEED MY WORDS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE
WANDERING THIS WORLD WITH ONLY A SWORD IN YOUR HAND
LIBERATE THE PRINCESS AND PURGE EVIL FROM THIS LAND
YOU MUST SAVE THE KINGDOM, HURRY UP- GODSPEED!
TO DEFEAT THE DRACOLORD, THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL NEED-

EDRICK'S SWORD, EDRICK'S SHIELD, EDRICK'S SEAL, EDRICK'S ARMOR

DRACOLORD THOUGHT HE WAS BAD 'TILL HE MET THIS KID FROM MAINE
YOU'RE THE LORD OF EVIL? WELL I'M THE KING OF PAIN!
EXPLORING EVERY CORNER OF EVERY DUNGEON AND EVERY TOWER
AND RAISING MY EXPERIENCE FOR THE LAST 40 FUCKING HOURS!
DRACOLORD APPEARS, MY HEART BEGINS TO BEAT FASTER
BY THE TIME WE'RE THROUGH YOU'LL BE CALLING ME MASTER!
BRING IT ON MOTHERFUCKER!

AS A YOUNG KID THAT WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE GAME
AND WHILE AWAY ON TOUR, IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME SANE
ACTION BOYS ARE SUCKERS FOR OLD NES GAMES
BUT EVERYTIME WE PLAY ONE, THE RESULTS ARE USUALLY THE SAME
I THROW THE CONTROLLER TO THE FLOOR AS MY HEART STARTS TO SINK
AND THAT FUCKING RED LIGHT ON MY NINTENDO STARTS TO BLINK!

I FORGOT TO FUCKING SAVE!

GOOD THING I DON'T HAVE A LIFE